What are you waiting for?

What does it really mean to stop waiting and just do what you feel?

In this episode of Mental Memo, I dive into the way we get caught up in timelines, expectations, and the illusion that there’s always more time. Why do we wait for the “right moment”? Why do we hold back from doing what feels true right now?

This is about letting go of the pressure to have everything figured out… and choosing to act on what matters before it’s too late.

Because sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is stop waiting and just live it.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I got a question. At what point does protecting yourself prevent you from living your life? What if there were only 60 more holidays left in your life? Or 50 more summers, or 10 more times that you'll wake up early enough to watch the sunrise? What if there were only 15 more times you'll fall asleep listening to the ocean beat against the shore? What if you've already read your favorite book? What if you only have three more times to see someone that you love? What if you only have one? How fast does that change things? To think that maybe you do not have forever, though it feels like you have so much longer to survive? How differently will your eyes set their gaze at the next time you arrive at one of those sacred moments or those irreplaceable days? How much more will you pay attention? How much more will you see? Now I wanted to open with that page from the pivot year because it feels very relevant to the kind of conversation that I just had with my mom in our kitchen. And it just so happens to have been a page from the book that I read this week. So it just all feels very aligned right now. And I shit you not, I am not prepared to record this episode by any means. I mean, I literally jotted down a couple of things in my notebook. And if I'm being really honest with you guys, this is actually the first episode of Mental Memo I am ever recording. I don't even have the intro episode done yet. I don't have any of the first few episodes done by any means, but I was so inspired by our conversation and felt so deeply and so passionately about what I was saying to her that I knew I didn't want to lose my stream of consciousness that I had and not allow you guys in on the conversation that we were having, right? So if I'm being totally frank, my mom and I were having a conversation about love and life. It can be really scary when you are in this constant state of protecting yourself and protecting your energy, just trying to make sure that you don't get hurt and that you trust the right person. But I'm at the point in my life where I don't want to waste my time constantly protecting myself. And I feel like I have prevented myself from so many connections by being too careful that I don't want to live my life like that anymore. I am gonna be really honest with you guys. I am a lover girl. I will do anything for my partner. And I'm not gonna lie either. I have a tendency of getting a little lost in my relationship that I tend to put myself on the back burner. It's not a great trait that I have. It's something that I'm trying to teach myself out of a little bit and remind myself to stay with myself. But I was kind of explaining to my mom that, like, I don't want to be so careful. And I try not to live so carefully and tiptoeing and trying to do everything slow and at a steady pace and like taking my time before I meet someone's parents, or taking my time before I invite someone on a trip, or invite them to a wedding, or invite them to do something with me. It's okay to be impulsive, in my personal opinion. And sure, it might feel a little reckless because if something doesn't work out, then oops, everybody saw that. So fucking what? And the reason that I feel this way is because for those of you that have been following along for quite some time, you probably know I had a best friend for many, many years. Her name was Tierra, and unfortunately, she passed away back in 2021. And that was the first major death that I face in my life, and I have so much to say about death. I have I have so much to say about grieving and moving on from grieving, and I have I have 15 episodes that I could record about just that. So I'm not gonna go into that specifically today, but I really admire the way that my friend Tierra lived her life. I really admire the way that she loved, I really admire the way that she was fearless in living her life to the fullest possible potential. She did not waste a minute, she did not waste a second. And I didn't recognize that when she was still with us, but I recognize it now that she has passed, and that is because of the community that she left behind, the support group that she left behind that she didn't even realize that she was leaving behind for her loved ones, right? And I say that because you know, Tara was young, she was young, she was 22 when she passed away, and I know all of her ex-boyfriends, I know all of her friends, and that is because she was not afraid of living out loud. She wasn't too careful, she wasn't too nervous to bring someone around her family, she wasn't too nervous to bring someone around her friends. I can't imagine not knowing the people that she loved. I can't imagine not knowing the people that held so much weight because she didn't introduce them to me, or she didn't introduce them to her family because she was being careful because she wasn't sure if it was gonna work out. You know how many people I wouldn't know? How many great people that she left behind. All of us are now our own little community of people that have loved her. And I just think that it's beautiful that we've all gotten to know each other and we know the kind of weight that we held for her and the kind of weight that she held for us and how important she was to all of us. And the reason that we even have the community of hers that we have is because she was not afraid to live out loud and to live her life out loud and to love out loud. It didn't matter how much time she had spent with someone, if that person was special to her, we knew who they were. And if that person made her feel special, she would bring them around. If she wanted to make memories with someone, she would do it. It didn't matter how much time she had under her belt with that person. It didn't matter because she wasn't scared. And I think that we all have something to learn from that. And I had something to learn from her. And I'm not gonna lie, I've been afraid of bringing a new person around my parents, bringing a new person around my group of friends, bringing a new person around, generally speaking. I have I have absolutely kept someone that I was seeing from my loved ones because I wasn't sure how it was gonna turn out. But imagine if, you know, tomorrow's not promise, and I hate to be morbid, but what if I wasn't here tomorrow? And I never told my mom about the new person that is lighting up my life right now and that's bringing me so much joy. You know, imagine I hadn't told my mom about my new friend that I made at yoga class. Imagine if I hadn't introduced my friends to each other. Imagine if I didn't talk so highly of the friends that I have made, no matter how much time I have spent with them. It doesn't matter if I've known you for a day or I've known you for 10 years. If I'm excited about someone, I want to let them in my life. I don't want to hold them on the outside just because you haven't earned your time yet. If you make me feel special and I feel like we have a connection, I want to enjoy the time that we have together. What is this nonsense of oh, it hasn't been enough time yet? What is that? What is that? All we have is right now. So why are we wasting our time waiting for the future? We have no idea what the future holds, what the future's gonna hold. We don't know if there is gonna be a future. So we have to learn to enjoy what we have while we have it. I think that it is so important to tell people that you love them when you love them. I'm not saying you have to tell every Tom, Dick, and Harry that you're in love with them, but if you have love for someone, I think it's so important for you to share that. Because if you don't, they might never know. And love is not something that we should be afraid of, it is one of the most beautiful emotions that we are gifted with. And I feel like when we are experiencing that, it's one of the most special things that we can share with somebody. When someone has love for me and they tell me that, I feel that from them. And when I feel that for someone, I am a person who has a lot of love in my heart and I have a lot of love to give. And I try my damn hardest not to hold that back from people. Because why? Why? The love that I have for someone in my heart is specifically designed for them. Where else am I supposed to put that? Sometimes things don't work out, things really do change, and we change as people, and it is all about evolving and adjusting. It's not about the destination, it's about the journey, right? But you know, let's say that I had kept my old podcast since we're on the topic to myself. Let's say that I had protected that so harshly. Like let's say I built up brick walls around that project and did not allow other people to get involved. I wouldn't have had the episodes that I had. And those episodes were so important. I still get feedback on that podcast. And I take so much pride in the work that I put into that, and I'm still so proud of what was created. I'm still so proud of those episodes. I'm still so proud of what I had created with my little community of people that I had that were involved. You know, and I wouldn't have the episodes that I had had they not been involved. Some of my favorite conversations that I had were with people that other people recommended to me or people that my other co-hosts brought on to the podcast. Some of the conversations that I had were not even my idea originally. Definitions of success, one of my favorite episodes that we put out. That wasn't my idea. I think that was Ryan's idea. You know, the episode that I did with a nurse, episode that we did with the social workers, episode that we did with a therapist, episode that we did about sexual harassment, those were not mine on my own. Yes, I made a huge contribution. Yes, it was originally my show. But those weren't just mine. They weren't just my ideas, you know, and I can't imagine how different it would have looked had I not been collaborative. And yet, like what I'm trying to say is things don't always work out, and that's okay, you know? And we shouldn't be ashamed of things not working out. Shit happens, life happens, we adjust and we move on and we go forward. One foot in front of the other. I think that what's so hard about us being afraid of things not working out and us being afraid of change is that vulnerability is so scary, but the thought of not doing something is scarier. And I'll tell you guys what, at my big ass age of 30 years old, at this point in my life, I've had a number of relationships, right? Love interests, friends, people that ended up not being my friends, family dynamics, like my fear of heartbreak is not bigger than my fear of regret. Quite honestly, I don't have that big of a fear of heartbreak anymore. I know that at the end of the day, I've got me. I am confident enough to know that I will have my back no matter what, and that I'm gonna be okay. And quite honestly, if I'm being so for real with you guys, I'm gonna come out bigger and better on the other side every single time. Every single time that I go through a breakup or a heartbreak or a heartache of some sort, I really tell myself, I'm like, girl, you're gonna be alright. I know this hurts real bad right now, but you are gonna be so much better by the end of this because you're gonna learn so much, and that's okay. It let it out right now, you know. I am actually grateful for the tears that I have shed because I was able to feel so much. I can't imagine not feeling the feelings that I have had, not feeling the emotions that I have had, and not expressing myself in the way that I needed to. I but I'm not gonna be full of regret that I didn't say something to you that I wish I had said. That's not gonna happen. Because I'll make sure that I say it when I need to say it. When I'm feeling it, I will make sure that you hear it. Vulnerability only feels dangerous because it is threatening the identity that you have built for yourself to survive, right? We all build this identity around protecting ourselves and survival because we are all we have at the end of the day, right? So vulnerability feels scary because it feels like someone could break that. Someone can take that from you. They can't take that from you. You have to know that you've got your own back. You have to know that you will show up for you at the end of the day, and it gets a lot less scary. Yes, it is terrifying, but terrifying is a temporary feeling. It's gonna be scary once. It's gonna be scary twice. The first few seconds of the roller coaster are terrifying. The first big drop of the roller coaster is terrifying, the first big climb of the roller coaster is terrifying, but eventually it'll come to an end. And guess what? The second time that you get on the ride, it's not gonna be as scary because you know it's coming. We cannot spend too much time preparing for life. We really can't. It's gonna it's gonna prevent us from participating in it. It's gonna prevent us from living it, and we have to do it while we still can. You have to tell them while you still can. You have to live your life while you still can. You have to do the scary shit while you still can. And we're gonna remember back to our first time telling someone that we love them or the first time that we told our partner that we loved them. We're gonna look back on that shit and we're gonna miss those moments, and we're gonna wish that we would have done it sooner, right? Like starting today or telling someone today you're gonna wish that you had done it sooner. What if it does work out? What if it does? You cannot be afraid to love out loud. So what if the internet sees your quote unquote mistakes, right? Was it really a mistake, or did you learn something? Do you carry a lesson from everyone that you love? I'm gonna tell you guys something that you might not want to hear right now, especially for my type A people, okay? I'm a weird mix of type A and type B, and I'm gonna tell you right now, my type A self is gonna hate me for saying this, but it needs to be said. Control is not a form of safety. Our need to control comes from fear and insecurity. It is not the same as safety. And it sucks. Oh my gosh, does it suck to hear that? But it's the truth. If you think about it, when I'm trying to control a situation, it's because I'm afraid that it's not gonna work out if I don't try to control it. And it's literally coming from fear and insecurity. You can't actually control anything. You have to be okay with letting go. Because if you know that you've got you, you got nothing to worry about. And with that being said, I'm actually gonna read an additional page from the pivot year because shocker, I have another one that's very relevant to this conversation. So listen up, will ya? Okay, thanks. It is time to take your life back. The life you lost to fear, the life you lost to the opinions that you valued over your own happiness, the life you lost because it couldn't fit within the image that the world has made you think is ideal. The life you lost because you came to believe that you are not worthy of your own joy, your own path, and your own truth. The life you lost because you put it on hold, hid behind a someday, a maybe, a should be, a would be, if only you found the courage to even take the smallest step towards a path that you know is yours. So hear me when I say, say it while you still can, live out loud, love out loud. Do not let fear control your life. And before I go, I'm actually gonna leave you with this Tenderness is not weakness, it is the most resilient example of courage and strength. Think about it, being vulnerable is such an example of being courageous and being strong, because you have enough confidence and enough courage within yourself to trust someone else with your vulnerability. So don't think that just because you show someone uh the tender side of you or the vulnerable side of you, that they're gonna take that and smash it to the ground. If they do, you don't need it. You gave it to them, you gave it to them. You are the person that is in control, and you've got your own back. And that concludes this episode of Mental Memo. But I really want to thank you so, so much for allowing me this space to share with you and for allowing me into your life to share my perspective with you and to ask you the important questions. I appreciate you so much, and I cannot wait to see you on the next one. I love you so much. Thanks for being here. So, if you have a friend that you think could maybe benefit from this episode, send it their way.